“Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity.”
– Simone Weil
“I gave it to myself. It’s given to me, by me.”
In the 2017 film Lady Bird, Greta Gerwig offers a heartfelt portrait of a young woman. A coming-of-age semi-autobiographical tale set in Sacramento. The film has been celebrated for its authenticity, humor, and emotional depth. But beneath its carefully observed story of teenage rebellion and maternal aggravations lies a profound meditation on a theme central to the works of philosophers Simone Weil and Iris Murdoch: the inseparable link between love and attention.
“What if this is the best version?
There is a scene which comes late in the film in which Lady Bird finds herself across from Vice Principal Sister Sarah-Joan. Sister Sarah-Joan tells Lady Bird that she read her college essay and says, “You clearly love Sacramento.” This comes as a surprise to Lady Bird however as she has been lamenting Sacramento for the entire runtime of the film saying how she can’t wait to leave the place. “I was just describing it,” Lady Bird says indifferently. But Sister Sarah-Joan insists, “It comes across as love,” But Lady Bird responds flippantly saying, “I guess I pay attention.” It is then Sister Sarah-Joan imparts a tremendous piece of wisdom, saying, “Don’t you think maybe they are the same thing? Love and attention?” It is this statement which becomes a revelation to Lady Bird subtly changing her perspective for the rest of the film. It changes how she will view and reevaluate her relationship with her mother, her friends, and the boy’s she thought she liked.
Weil, once wrote, “Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity.” For her, paying attention is more than noticing—it is a moral act, a way of stepping outside ourselves to fully see the other. In a similar vein, Murdoch described love as “the extremely difficult realization that something other than oneself is real.” Both thinkers highlight the transformative power of looking beyond one’s ego and addressing what is truly important to each character.
“It’s Not Important To Be Right. It’s Only Important To Be True.”
Throughout Lady Bird, Christine “Lady Bird” McPherson fights to carve out her own identity, often clashing with her mother, Marion, along the way. Their relationship is fraught with misunderstandings, pointed remarks, and moments of tender connection. At first glance, Marion’s love seems almost suffocating, delivered in the form of critiques about Lady Bird’s clothes, choices, and ambitions. Yet as the film unfolds, we begin to see these things for what they really are, attention and love to a fault.
From tirelessly sewing Lady Bird’s prom dress to managing the family’s shaky finances, Marion’s attention is relentless and all-encompassing. These acts are not showy or sentimental. They are grounded in the kind of flawed and unglamorous work that often goes unnoticed and unappreciated. For Weil, this is the essence of love: to direct one’s energy outward, even when it is not acknowledged or reciprocated. Marion embodies this ethic, even as Lady Bird struggles to recognize it.
Lady Bird’s rebellion against her mother is, in many ways, a rebellion against being fully seen. Marion’s attention to Lady Bird’s flaws and vulnerabilities feels invasive because it is so unflinching. Yet Murdoch’s philosophy reminds us that genuine love requires us to see others as they truly are, not as we wish them to be. This is what makes Marion’s love so powerful—it is rooted in reality (or it tries to be as much as she can), not in some idealized version of her daughter.
“Don’t you think maybe they are the same thing? Love and attention?”
As Lady Bird matures, she begins to understand the weight of her mother’s attention. A pivotal moment comes when she reflects on the roads and neighborhoods her mother has driven through countless times, understanding, perhaps for the first time the care that underpins such mundane acts. This realization echoes Murdoch’s belief that love involves “unselving”—a breaking down of the ego to recognize and appreciate the reality of another.
One of the film’s most moving themes is its celebration of the ordinary. For both Weil and Murdoch, attention to the everyday is a way of accessing something transcendent. In Lady Bird, love is found not in dramatic declarations but in small, often unnoticed moments: a shared car ride, a prom dress stitched late at night, a crumpled note left behind. These moments remind us that love is not only a feeling but a practice, a daily act of focusing on the people and world around us.
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Conclusion
In Lady Bird, Gerwig crafts a deeply human story that illuminates the profound connection between love and attention. Drawing from Weil’s vision of attention as a form of generosity and Murdoch’s insistence on love as a confrontation with reality.
By the end, Lady Bird comes to understand her mother’s love, not as an oppressive force but as a quiet, steady focus of care. It’s a revelation that invites us to reflect on our own lives: How often do we take the time to truly see the people we love? And how might our relationships transform if we understood that love – though messy, imperfect, and many times mundane, is ultimately built on the quiet power of our attention?
Reading List
Gravity and Grace by Simone Weil
Existentialists and Mystics by Iris Murdoch
